The last two weeks ... and a revelation

So, it's been two weeks since I updated. That's mostly because the updates would have been embarrassing, and I don't like being embarrassed in public. That can't be entirely accurate, because I make a fool of myself on a regular basis. But when I do it on purpose, I do it for laughs and applause and to get the attention of my students. This? This is just shame. I've gained a couple pounds since I started, and I also gave up any pretense of even eating kinda-paleo. 

That picture? That's me earlier today. Those fat rolls? Mine. 

Anyway, this post isn't really about wallowing is my problems. Ok, it is just a little bit. It's about a tiny revelation that I had earlier today as I was eating, yes-forgive-me-I-confess-it, two Taco Bell burritos. I keep rationalizing the way I eat now as "the way I *have* to eat to make the rest of my current life possible." But what struck me today is that the way I'm eating now is robbing my future self of joy, of health, of happiness with grandchildren and great-grandchildren. 

This next bit is something I've known for a while: my own struggle with food is a moral one. That isn't true for everybody. Some people are overweight -- despite the fact that they eat a balanced moderate diet -- because their metabolisms are slower than average, or because of genetics, or because of something else. In my case, however, a large part of my size is due to the fact that I have terrible self-discipline. It's led to all sorts of problems in my life: I procrastinate, and then have to pull all-nighters to finish important projects; those hastily-finished projects are poorly done; when the thing you do poorly is grade senior thesis papers, it hurts students and teachers alike; when you pull all-nighters, everything the next day suffers too; when people are waiting on you to turn in grades, they have to stay late at work when they should be home with family; etc. 

My weight is the result of my trouble with doing the better but less-pleasant thing and denying some passing pleasure. It's not like I got fat eating large French meals with good company and fellowship. I mostly got fat because I would eat alone, munching on bags of salty snacks in my room or grabbing fast food in the car on my way to work. It's easier to order McDonald's breakfast than to go shopping, plan a menu, and get up 20 minutes earlier to cook and eat. Sleep, or watching another episode of Community, is more pleasant than navigating WinCo. Trying to be creative with food is harder than driving over and asking for one more Beefy Crunch Burrito. 

I need to learn to see beyond the present. Spending twenty minutes now cooking a real dinner is harder than driving to some cheap junk-food shop, but spending my 50's feeling lousy and taking a gajillion pills is way harder than deciding to make my own lunch. 

So I resolve, all over again, to quit sacrificing my future good to my present desire. This self-discipline thing is dang tough, but by God's grace I'll do better this next round. 

{Link} Quinoa porridge? Yes!

http://theshiksa.com/2012/05/15/quinoa-porridge-with-maple-and-brown-sugar/

Just found this recipe for quinoa porridge; the original poster makes it with maple and brown sugar (definitely not Paleo, or even close!), but I imagine it could be pretty good with just some fresh fruit on top - and that's totally acceptable within my rules.

Yay for quinoa!

Update 6-6-13

Weight: 208.2

Exactly what I weighed a year ago, when my dad challenged me to lose 25 pounds by Pearl Harbor day (he was doing it too...). I got below 195, then bounced right back up.

Another year, another shot at this.

(PS the last two days have been baaaaaaad. Not even remotely paleo, and a good deal of fast food to boot. Including a milkshake, which honestly didn't taste that good.)

I also realized that my last 'before' picture was in a flowy shirt, so here's a better one:

Check in: 6-4-13

Daily Weight: 211.2 (up .4)

I did a lousy job yesterday. It started off all right - only cream in my coffee - but then I got lunch. I was trying to be good, so I ordered the gyro salad. How can you go wrong with meat on a salad? Well, you go wrong when they bring you a warm fragrant pita on the side. That was mistake number one. Then I got a craving for Taco Bell, and since we haven't been grocery shopping all week it seemed like a much easier solution than scrounging from our depleted fridge. 2 beefy crunch burritos later, I stand before you today.

At least I got more exercise.than I have in a while: about half an hour of walking total.

Starting Over

I actually went on the paleo sure diet last summer, but fell off the wagon when the school year hit...and then the holidays....and then my birthday....by which point I had undone all my previous progress and decided "aw, screw it."

But I'm back this summer, heavier than the same time last year, and determined to do something. So I'm going "paleo" (see the Rules post) M-Sat, and adding exercise to the mix.

I plan to give just a short update at my morning weigh-in, and possibly a brief recap in the evening if anything interesting happened on the food front.

Today, starting weight and a before picture.

Weight: 210.8

The Caveat

Confession: I’m not on board with the Paleo diet. 

Yes, I’m following it (mostly). But I don’t buy the premise.

The foundational premise of the Paleo diet is that we need to live like our evolutionary ancestors did. We aren’t biologically ready to eat the things that we’ve been shoving down our gullets for the last few centuries, and now we’re paying the price in obesity, heart disease, etc. We should eat whatever we would have been able to hunt and gather thousands of years ago: no milk, no honey, no bread, no wine.

But those are specifically the things that the Bible promises us as blessings (Exodus 3:8, Luke 22:19ff). And if bread was bad for us, then God would not give it to us in Communion as nourishment for our souls and bodies (Matt. 7:11).

On top of that, the Paleo diet assumes that Darwinian evolution is true. It denies the existence of Adam. And Marilynne Robinson has convincingly argued that denying Adam undermines civilization as we know it.

On the other hand, here I am: fighting genetics and my own corrupted body. Matter is good (no neo-Platonism for me!), but creation still groans (Romans 8:22). And so, while I have serious reservations about the premises of the thing it seems like - given my background - it’s a good set of recommendations for my health.

The Rules

When my chiropractor told me to start the Paleo diet, I did some research. As I’ve said before, I had some misgivings about the premises of the paleo diet. On top of that, I’m a schoolteacher who is NOT a morning person. That means that breakfast has to be quick and easy, and dinner needs to be about the same.

The basic premise of a paleo diet, as I’ve discovered it, is this: eat only meat, fowl, fish, eggs, vegetables, nuts, and fruits. After talking with my sister, who lives with me and will have to eat this too, I decided to make the following exceptions (in moderation):

1. Allow condiments like soy sauce, balsamic vinegar, etc.
2. Eat quinoa (it is a more complete protein and is a higher-fat grain than most, and it has mild anti-inflammatory properties).
3. Allow sugar substitutes like splenda or aspartame.^
4. Allow dairy and fruits of all kinds.*
5. Allow legumes on occasion, at least for me. I’ll be getting natural peanut butter that doesn’t have all the added sugar, but peanut butter and beans can both round out a packed lunch nicely. 
6. Allow alcohol. 
7. All bets are off on Sunday. 

^Because I like sugar-free hazelnut syrup in my coffee every now and then. And since I don’t buy the premise, the occasional manufactured sweetener is fine by me.
*There are a host of opinions out there about how much dairy and fruit you should consume on a paleo diet, but I just wanted to blanket-allow anything from those categories. Anything is better than how I’m eating right now.